Isaac Newton, European Discoverer of Fruit

Note: Any resemblance to real history is coincidental

Isaac Newton, being inspired by his discovery of fruit to do equations.

You might have heard Isaac Newton was the first person to discover gravity, but did you know he was the first European to discover fruit? For example, Germans are called krauts, and Brits are called limeys, though limes don’t even grow in Britain, and they only found them when the British Navy was established. This is because Europeans used to have no idea what Vitamin C was and they all got scurvy, rotted alive, and then died. Eww. Europeans were really stupid.

Then one day, Isaac Newton was sitting beneath an apple tree, and an apple fell. He decided to eat it, and his brain grew three sizes that day, and then he became a brilliant physicist. This led directly to the Industrial Revolution, and it led Britain to become the British Empire and explore the world, which involved the rest of the Brits also learning the bare minimum of what fruit was at last and becoming the limeys. This bare minimum knowledge of what fruit was made Great Britain much more advanced than Continental Europe. To this day, most Europeans still don’t know what fruit is, as evidenced by what you see when you walk through the local Aldi’s, or the menu at most European restaurants.